Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
