Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
