I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
