Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
