True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize