I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
