Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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