U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
