there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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