did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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