wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
