i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
