arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
