YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
