K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
