I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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