When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
