how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
