Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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