I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
