Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
