I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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