guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
