you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you inspire me to be a worse person
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
