You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
