so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
