My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
