I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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