But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
