He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
