I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
