My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
