I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
