i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drake has all the answers
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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