Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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