i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
