Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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