Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so let's talk penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
