beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
