Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
