i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
