you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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