Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
