I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
