I think I died a long time ago.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
