LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
