So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
