I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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