Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
