jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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