there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
