yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
