Quick, to the slutcave!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
