i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
